Black Metal. Vegan. Thanksgiving.

Like a fine wine, the internet has provided us with the perfect counterpoint to kittens and Lil B.

The raucous, unholy vegans at Vegan Black Metal Chef have posted the answer to your satanic November rituals: Vegan Black Metal Thanksgiving!!!! (scroll down for the video)

Roast in the eternal flame for 45 minutes!

Cool! My inverted pentagram altar also doubles as a cutting board!

This video is metal as fuck and the cooking directions are surprisingly easy to follow. I also rather enjoy being screamed at (and I'm sure you do too), so this is perfection in its truest form. Let's all watch, shall we?

GRAVY IS BROTH AND FAAAAAAAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, everybody. If you never thought you'd completely lose your shit and form a circle pit for moshing to the guttural melodies of the Cooking Channel, the internet is here to prove you wrong. Happy Black Metal Thanksgiving!!

Damn Bruh, This Cat Got Skillz

So the "first rapper ever to publish a book at 19," Lil B has dropped the single of the newest cat to the rap game on Youtube-- literally a cat.

Her name is Keke and she lays down the meanest, smoothest purrs to ever hit the game. Check the track below. 

B: "Say something, Keke" 

Keke [translated]: "Rub my belly and look at my asshole-- it's a star like I is"

 You can find out more about Keke from Chris Martins's article over at Spin.com, and if you are young cat with a dream, you can follow the premiere animal-rap mogul Lil B on Twitter.

When Muppets Snort Cocaine

My drunken, 2:30 AM internet explorations rarely end in anything other than dubstep I can't remember downloading and music videos I can't unsee.

Such was the case with both my unearthing of an Australian DJ named Qua and his beatific visions in film.

So I downloaded an album, and with it came some videos. The first is pretty much what would happen if Prodigy's "Smack My Bitch Up" had drug-fueled, unprotected sex with Meet the Feebles in a dirty bathroom stall.

change my pitch up.

(Disclaimer: Meet the Feebles, to this very day, is the most scarring movie I have ever seen. Before his Lord of the Rings days, Peter Jackson was a sick, sick man. Go forward with care, my internet buddies.)

So now that you've been properly introduced, let's all watch Qua's video for his song "Circles"

And just for funsies, let's watch his other video from this album! It's for a song called "Goodmorning Sun," and is rather less intimidating and more surreal/hilarious.

So in conclusion, internets -- viva Australia. Viva Peter Jackson. Viva people making puppets shoot up heroin. 

And viva taking acid trips in your underpants.

Mr. Frosty Man Protects You from the Christmas Undead

Well, all. Sufjan Stevens is on a freaking roll.
This should come as no surprise, considering he is fabulous and absolutely insane.


Please do yourselves a favor and watch his new claymation music video, Mr. Frosty Man. Everything about it is absolute perfection.

I can't stop watching. It's beautiful. Oh god.


Until your best friend melts, internets.

South Korea Gets Shitty

In South Korea, there is a cultural phenomenon that is probably pretty strange to Americans. People aren't weird and giggly about pooping. In fact, some people positively love it -- and the toilets the poop is deposited in.

One man loved toilets so much that he built a house shaped like one. It is now the site for the world's first toilet-based theme park. Here, you can learn about the history of receptacles for human waste!

Some cultures have "the Thinker." South Korea has immortalized the Pooper.

Adding this to my long list of things I'd like to see in Asia. Maybe someday we can start a fund for orphaned American children to go experience this one-of-a-kind theme park.

God, I hope part of this is a water park.

Sufjan Stevens Provides a Soundtrack to America Living La Via Boheme!

After yesterday's votes for Obama, marriage equality, and even recreational marijuana legalization, I almost feel patriotic! It's a strange, new feeling -- almost, dare I say it? -- jangly.

Considering this jangly hope for a version of the United States that I could perhaps love, Sufjan Stevens' take on the "Star Spangled Banner" is absolutely perfect. It's in true Sufjan form -- whispered, intimate, building with a chorus of children at the suddenly meaningful refrain. There are even horns! Sufjan has found the magic combination of musical things that will make people cry, and I do not hold it against him one bit.

Honestly, we should make this version the new national anthem.

Here is Sufjan, selflessly knitting an American flag for homeless cats to keep warm in during the harsh winter.

The Preidente Victorious Rides Again!

So there you go -- a new soundtrack for a happier US! Here's to the next four years, internets!

Sending Texts During an R. Kelly Concert

In general, you should know about thought catalog. It's a pretty great solution to internet boredom!

When I came across a record of texts this guy sent to his girlfriend during an R. Kelly concert, I just had to share! R. Kelly is one of those rare breeds who is so absolutely insane that he is amazing. I can't tell if it's all an act, but I love it either way. Watch the first installment of Trapped in the Closet with the commentary on and you'll fully understand what I mean.

Keep it classy, internets.